For a brief moment, I said dayumm, was J-Lo and I joined at the hip, because that same weekend, I came to the realization that I was ready to serve my BF a cease & desist letter.
The concept of the term "us" was merely an afterthought, and he needs to bring Jim, James, Paul, & Tyrone and come get his sh*t!
His infidelity, lies, disloyalty was too much for me to bear and I was beyond the threshold of dealing with his bull-sh*t
I was angry, pissed, and infuriated with the fact that this inanimate object had the audacity to part their lips and continue to try to speak to me.
Yet, once my blood pressure simmered down to normalcy, I had to question what role did I play in this new found drama that was introduced into my life?
For once I just wanted to be pure and free and put all the cards on the table.
So here it goes . . . For sometime I . . . B’wood have been suffering from depression and maybe perhaps my feelings of hopelessness, irritability, loss of interest, loss of energy, and self-loathing pushed him into the arms of another man.
However, don’t get it twisted, despite my undesirable qualities, I am not going to take the burden and believe this was all because of me.
Yet, whatever the circumstance, condition or facts that ultimately led him to his decision, the aftermath left me feeling betrayed, revengeful, and earning the title "B'wood the A**hole" for rest of 2011.
It’s amazing how you can think that if you are a so-called handsome, sexy man, with a nice body, job, educated, home, car, and so many material things that I perhaps can’t even keep track of, which all seem appealing to someone else from the outside, cannot make the one individual who you are so-called in love with stand by your side to the end of time.
Hell, you eventually conclude that if the beautiful and talented Halle Berry can’t keep a man, why in the hell would I think I would be any different?
All my life I wanted to be loved, but more importantly I wanted to be VALIDATED!
Validated for who I was . . .
Validated for who I was becoming . . .
Validated for my success . . .
Validated for my charisma . . .
Validated for my swagger . . .
Validated for being a sensual, passionate lover . . .
Validated for my genuine love for people . . .
And Validated for having a great heart. . .
However, what I found to be so shameful is that I . . . B’wood couldn't even find one good reason to validate my own self.
Last night I replayed Oprah Winfrey ~ Farewell Finale, and she noted the fact that “we often block our own blessing because we don’t feel inherently good enough”, and that we all have this common thread. . . This need for validation!
“Everybody wants to be Heard . . . I SEE YOU . . . I HEAR YOU . . . AND WHAT YOU SAY MATTERS TO ME.”
So fam’ if I learned anything about this relationship, I learned that I am worthy, I am stronger than I let on, and that I am bouncing back a new man!
Not only am I more in tune with how to validate myself, I realize that its A-okay to just be by myself.
Be in the moment with oneself. . . No music, no television, no computer, no iPad, no book, no dog, no friend, and no MAN!
The funny thing is all the time I kept searching for validation, I never for once realized that on many occasions it was staring me right in the face.
I never took notice that I have 946 or more followers that take time out of their day to join, read, or comment on my blog!
My blog. . . The blog, that I never even thought had a voice.
946 followers fam' and still counting. . . Hell, how much validation does one man need?
So today, Thursday, August 4, 2011 you are being introduced to a new me.
The real me . . . The Truly Passionate, Energized, Refreshed, and Free Me.
I must say for once in my life I look forward to the new possibilities that are in store for B-W-O-O-D!
Side Bar ~ Now Honey B I always loved this song . . . But, damn did it have to be so relevant in my life right about now. . . I'm just sayin' . . . Love is a Son of B*tch!
No comments:
Post a Comment